I’m not sure how to answer that question.

I’m not sure how to answer that question.  The one that I get so often from others.  What’s the question? Here it is- “Do you need help?”

Now, let’s go ahead and pause for a second.  The very fact that you are asking me that question probably implies that there is something about what I am doing that is indicating that I NEED HELP.  However, asking the question implies in some way I am not capable of doing what I am doing.  Which is probably true. But somehow difficult to admit.

Let me give you an example.  Take this past week, my husband was virtually out of town .  My days were filled with driving my summer infused children to random events and play dates in the blistering heat and enjoying the literal 24hr days with all five children.  Again, let’s pause to embrace all the joy and pleasure that I have experienced in the past week.  Take it all in. You with me?

Now, it’s Saturday afternoon and my children and I are loading up the car with food and swimming gear for 6 people.  We are off to attend a going away barbeque for family friends.  Upon arrival we unload the car, children, food, swimming gear, etc and walk into the backyard.  In addition, upon request of the host, we have brought our 6 foot pop-up canopy.  You know the kind you use for soccer games and swim meets? The kind that fits nicely in that bag with the wheels so you can roll the elephant weighing contraption.  Oh wait, if you get it on sale like I did, you too can have one like mine.  NO WHEELS.  

Let’s fast forward to the end of the party.  I’ll leave out the part of trying to feed the smaller children while at a pool party (think plates blowing in the pool, eating soggy chips, etc.) I will also not mention the fact that I was the ONLY person over 12 years old in the pool.  Have you ever tried to keep a 3 and 1 yr old out of the pool at a backyard pool party in Phoenix in June?  It’s not worth it. And it won’t take you long to imagine the engaging and meaningful adult conversations that took place in my life during  the two hours we were there. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed the pool with my children and noticed the longing look of other mothers who no longer needed to be in the glistening cool water with their children.  Bless you for enduring the heat on the sidelines.

But, let’s not talk about that.  Let’s fast forward to the end, when it’s time to pack up.  You know that moment when it’s time to  get everyone moving in the same direction at the same time because it’s time to go.  Now.  I had my 1yr old entertained with a ball on the grass while my 12 yr old and I try and tear down the canopy (which is nearly a foot taller than we are and weighs almost the same amount) and pack up all the stuff.  I’m keeping a smile on my face as I watch all the other “big” people enjoy “big” people conversations and “big girl” outfits (need I remind you I’m in my bathing suit). 

Then, comes the dreaded question from well meaning friends, “Do you need help?” And in that moment I am startled and overwhelmed and quite honestly surprised that this whole endeavor (from the beginning until this exact moment) has not caused you to rush over and give me a hand because I clearly feel in over my head. 

 

“Do I need help?” Are you kidding, yes! But if answering that means somehow admitting that I am not capable of handling my full time job of taking care of my children, then I’m not sure how to answer.  And if saying yes, plays that recording over in my mind again that I am failing at the job that is most important to me.  Then this stubborn girl is gonna say “no.”

But if you ask me something specific- now I’m your “yes” girl.  Can you grab the bowl of grapes my daughter is about to spill- “yes.”  Help me get shoes on my son- “yes.”  Carry my bag of wet towel so I can hold my daughter’s hand across the street to the car- “yes.”

I am getting better at asking for help.  I asked a friend to help me get the canopy from the car and he helped me set it up.  And I tell you what, after I had gotten it down, he came over and just asked if he could load it back to the car. Yes sir, thank you very much.

To all those asking if we need help.  Let your question imply the answer. Yes. Offer a way to help and I’ll probably take you up on it.  I don’t need you to add to my insecurity by telling me my daughter’s shoe lace is untied or that my son has shoved too many grapes in his mouth.  Just help me. Ask permission and go for it. Trust me, I need help.  So maybe your question can be more like a fill in the blank.  Instead of asking if I need help, ask me “Can I help you ____________?” and then get ready to rock and roll.

And as for me.  I’ll be faster at saying yes.  And realizing that it’s okay to say (out loud) that I need help.  See, I just said it.  I need help. 

It's summer at my house!

It’s summer! 

Not officially if you go by the dates on the calendar, but the moment you step a foot in my home you will understand what I mean.  School is out and all the children are home.  ALL of them.  And if by a chance you didn’t see them as you walked in the door, you would realize this home is occupied as you trip over objects in the hallway and hear the sounds of many voices.

If I’m being honest there were moments in early May and even as far back as April that made me start to panic about today.  About summer.  

How to occupy the time?

To endure the heat?

To make the most of the time “off”?

 To keep the children from wanting to hurt eachother?

To keep me from wanting to take a vacation- without them?

I was dreading it back then.   Don’t get me wrong, I was excited about not packing lunches (and all the mothers around the world said “Amen”), no more trips to the school, signing papers, checking grades online.  No more spelling words and flashcards- unless you are the overachieving type that keeps those going in the summer. No more intense conversations with school fried brains about focusing, or finishing work, or doing our best just because.  Those are done for the next 12 weeks and I am truly grateful.

I was dreading the “filling” the time.  

That is until God confronted my attitude.  A gentle whack upside my head reminded me- IT’S SUMMER!!!

My chance to make memories, teach a skill, develop character, have fun and love all over my kiddos.  It won’t happen for me the same way you do it.  You’re kids are different than mine.  You have different resources and opportunities.  

But your choice is the same as mine today.  Choose to be grateful and thankful for another summer.  Or to start the countdown til school starts again.

So “let it go” and have some fun.  Pull off the couch cushions and make a fort.  Get out the glue gun and dusty craft supplies and have some fun.  Shoot the darts with reckless abandon –ladies, let’s show them how it’s done.  If you want to get all crazy, pull out your tent and enjoy the backyard.  Eat breakfast for dinner, and dinner for breakfast.  Turn off the phone, shut down Instagram, say no to Twitter.  Be in the moment.  Create a moment.

IT’S SUMMER at my house and I couldn’t be more excited (except for the half of me that is still freaking out.) But I’m choosing to thrive and not just survive this summer.  I know our days won’t always look pretty and more times than I’d like, I’ll start counting the days.  But that’s alright because I keep coming back to this fantastic reality.  It’s summertime now.  It’s time to go play!

Super Cape

It’s strange that no matter how many times I take my Super Cape off, next time I turn around, I find myself wearing it again. Mind you, it’s not really a cape that anyone else can see. Never the less, it’s real. Not only that, it’s very heavy. And though I often don’t realize I’ve put it on, the weight of it becomes so crushing at times that it’s nearly impossible to keep going.

 Now if you know me, you might get a chuckle out of the thought that I “think” I am Super Mom. Or Super Wife. Or Super Friend, Super Daughter, or Super anything. I know right now you’re thinking about the goldfish and Kleenexes decorating my car. Or maybe you’ve seen the endless pile of mismatched socks and the shirt that belongs to “no one” that came out of the laundry last week and still hasn’t found a home. Maybe it’s the fact that my floors are dirty, still, again or that last night’s dinner has left remnants on the table. You may chuckle because you know that despite my best efforts my children still leave towels and shoes around the house and nearly 9 months AFTER we started making our beds in the morning before school, it still seems like an optional task.

If you didn’t know me before, then you’re welcome for giving you a little glimpse into my world. I am a wife, a mother to 5 precious children, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a ministry leader and the list goes on. And for some reason I keep putting on that darn Super Cape and trying to do it all. The worst part about my Cape, no else sees it. You know what that means. No one else appreciates the efforts I make to make sure it stays on securely, repairing it’s tears and gently removing it when I slam it in the door.

You see the funny thing about my Cape is that when I’m wearing it, usually the only thing it reminds me of is how I’m not measuring up. My fears and failures, my insecurities and inadequacies become magnified. Instead of being thankful for my roles and responsibilities, I am overly aware of my shortcomings and weaknesses. Instead of being confident in my abilities and boundaries I become doubtful of my offerings and availability.

Because it’s not a fun place to be, I’m hoping you can’t relate. But just in case you do, hang in there. I’ve got some good news for you. And me. But first let’s start with the obvious. You see, when I am concerned about being all things to all people, I end up critical of myself for only being some things to some people. I know that. You know that. But the way my emotions have been dictating my attitude this week, I’m pretty sure I’m having a hard time believing it.

You see this week, I have intended to be grateful. I have tried to be content. I’m failing. Nearly every conversation and every interaction has left me wondering what else I could possibly fall short on. And then the list gets longer. Don’t get me wrong, you’d think I was doing fine- it’s just that inside I’m falling apart.

Deep down, I’m wishing you could see my Cape the way I see it. The times I hold my tongue so that I can be Super Wife, the times I’ve said “yes” and the times I’ve said “no” so that our children have balance. The texts, cards, Scripture verses and meals I’ve provided to friends to let them know I care and I am walking this journey of life with them. The prayers I’ve prayed for my sister and her unborn baby, and my parents, my newly widowed father-in-law and fellow ministry partners. I’ve let my focus get off track and now the weight of my Cape is unbearable. So, today I’m taking it off. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see it but it wasn’t that great anyway.

Today I’m taking my thoughts captive and surrendering them to Christ. Today I am thinking about those things that are true and lovely (and yes, they have to be both) and admirable and trustworthy. Today I am declaring that my approval comes from the way my Father sees me, and nothing else.

Now here is the good news. And I’m definitely not wanting to brag, but I don’t know if you realize this: I am chosen. I am redeemed. I am forgiven. I am enough. I am complete in Christ. I am sealed with the Holy Spirit. I am set apart for a purpose.

And so are you.

Galatians 1:10 says, “For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I still striving to please men?”

I’m glad you didn’t ask me that yesterday because I’m pretty sure I would not have wanted to answer. But today, now that’s a new story. Today I am striving to please the Lord. And the cool thing about that is that Jesus already did the work. Did someone say, “halleluiah!”?

I know I’ll fall short today. Like forgetting an essential ingredient for dinner or sending an empty envelope to school that was supposed to have money in it for a field trip. But that’s okay. Because today I’ve changed my focus. I’m looking at Christ. In Him there is full approval. In Him I am complete.

And I am learning, when my focus is on Christ, there is joy in my life.

So today if my steps seem a little lighter, and I’m throwing caution to the wind- you’ll know why. I took my Cape off today, and I didn’t even cry.

What a week!

I have been told that the funniest things happen to me. Or maybe it’s just that I don’t take life too seriously and am always looking for a way to laugh.

Like two days ago when my daughter Tiana FELL into a “wishing fountain” in front of our favorite iced tea spot. I was seriously hoping someone caught it on tape because it was THAT funny. She was just swishing her hands in the water like any other unsupervised 3 year old would, leaned over a little too far and gravity took over. I watched it all happen in slow motion from a short distance, but there was nothing I could do but help the completed drenched daughter out of the fountain. I contained the giggles until she quickly proclaimed, “I need a towel!” No kidding.

Or maybe it’s because yesterday I fell in the pool. Seriously. Tiana was swimming and I decided to make myself useful since the water is WAY too cold to get in it. So, I grabbed the pool broom and got to work. That is until I lost my footing (which isn’t hard to do in slippers by the way) and fell in. Like all the way in. With my clothes on. I couldn’t help but giggle and say, “I need a towel.”

But today was really the best, in a “not best” sort of a way. My year and a half year old son and I had just finished grocery shopping and were loading the items in the car. Among them were 4 gallons of milk and three cartons of ice cream. Are these details important you may ask, yes indeed they are. I was letting Truett play around in the back seat of the Sequoia as I loaded the bags of groceries in. A foursome of firemen walked by, apparently heading into the store to get their groceries. Being the exemplary citizen that I am, I acknowledged them and kindly thanked them for their service. Three said “thank you” and kept on walking. One came over to say hi to Truett, then unexpectedly reached into the back seat and gave one of the car seats a shake. After a brief moment of panic, I realized he was saying goodbye and heading to join his fellow heros in the store. Until he promptly returned a minute later asking if he could help better secure the said car seat. The next 30 minutes were filled with many embarrassing moments and qualifying moments for “worst mother of the year.”

At this point I will remind you I have ice cream and milk in the car and that it was warm enough for my daughter to be swimming yesterday. The 30 minutes included removing the car seats, turning them repeatedly upside down and revealing all sort of items under and within the seats including: wrappers, barrettes, a headband, lip gloss, goldfish, Nerds candy, crumbs, and baggie of jelly beans. You get the idea. Don’t judge me, I have 5 children. We practically live in our car during the week, and today is Friday.

The final verdict? My daughter Tiana’s carseat is now new and improved, though my daughter hates it. After 20 minutes of working to secure with the latch system (which of course required me to unload the grocery bags into the cart so we could reach some necessary “safety” equipment in the back), Mr. Fireman asked me her weight to verify all is well. I won’t lie, I lied. I have no idea how much my daughter weighs so I said 45 lbs, then moved it to more like 40. (After verifying this evening I found I was only 4 off, she’s 36lbs.) So 20 minutes into the adventure we undid all the securing as he read the information on the side of the seat to find that the upper weight limit of the buckle straps is 40lbs. So he removed the straps from the 5-point car seat, re-secured the seat and gave me the proper instructions on how to use the car buckle with the strapless car seat.

And Truetts? After further review I was told that the seat was expired, not only improperly secured, and messy. So, you know what I’ll be doing tomorrow. That’s right, getting a new and improved seat for Truett. As far as Tiana, don’t be surprised if you see her walking around with high calorie food to bulk her up to that 40lb mark!

So this is it! I've officially started a blog.

Please understand its not because I have some great wisdom to impart or great tips on a particular topic. I am writing because some days I feel like I'm gonna loose my mind.

Being a mother of 5 I don't have much mind left and I would seriously like to keep what I have. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade what I do for anything, it's just some days I would trade what I do. Can you relate? I am a wife. A biological mother. An adoptive mother. A foster mother. I am a daughter. A daughter-in-law. A sister. An aunt and a niece. I am a friend and a mentor. I am a business owner. I am a grocery list maker, a cook (if you can call it that since I honestly don't make anything that requires more than 5 ingredients). I do the laundry and the dishes. I sweep my kitchen floor more times in a day then I can count. I can feed the baby while playing Peter Pan (a fascinating, imaginary, yet never ending game of fun) with my 3 year old. All the while attending to the emotional and relational needs of my 8, 10, and 11 year old daughters.

And I'm just getting started. I get up early and go to bed late yet somehow I'm not quite feeling like the Proverbs 31 woman. Maybe its because I've never purchased a field. Or it could be cause my city doesn't have gates - cause rest assured my husband WOULD be there. I am tired. Most of the time. I am in over my head. Yet I have actually been certified by my home state to take in MORE foster children but I'm gonna go ahead and pass on that one for now.

 But the good news is, it doesn't really matter who I am. It matters WHO'S I am. And yes, I know that's probably not good English but I like the way it sounds. Because everyday God's got my back, because I'm His. Jesus paid the price for my sins and failures (the whole mess of them) and I'm His girl now. I agree it wasn't the best trade but I took Him up on it and there are no backsies on this deal.

So with that, hello world. My name is Tamara Collins. I am married to my better half, Tyler. I am a biological mother to three amazing girls, Tatum (11), Tessa (10), and Talya (8). I am mom through adoption to my precious and comical Tiana (3)and newly adopted son Truett (1).

This is my vision: *to instruct women on their identity in Christ- challenging them to grow and live the life God intended *to inspire others to be the difference and make a difference - to live a live of passion and compassion *to create laughter- after all, isn't that what Depends were made for?

Thanks for joining me along the journey!