A little Jr. High in all of us

Think the glasses are big enough?

My conversation last night took me back a few years. 

Okay, more than a few, but in some ways it doesn’t seem that long ago that I was in Jr. High. And now it’s my daughter’s turn.  Thankfully my mother didn’t let me get my glasses until my braces came off (bless you Mother) but neither of those went well with my blonde frizzy hair. Occasionally I would layer three different colored socks to match the school colors, and even wore blue eye shadow with enough layers so others could see it through my glasses.  I know what you’re thinking. Cool.  Rad. Righteous. Hip-o-rama.

But that was then. And this is now. 

But talking with my daughter reminded me off all the insecurities I felt. The desire for belonging. Identity. Purpose. Significance. I remember wanting to figure out “who I was” and “what I was good at.” I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be noticed. Encouraged. Admired. 

And I had big dreams to change the world. To make a difference. To do life with a purpose- although the purpose was unclear. Of course that all came after the ever important notes I would pass back and forth between classes to various friends.  Jr. High was about relationships. About the social order of life.

So as I talked with my daughter and, more importantly, as I listened, I kept my past experience in mind and reminded her of some of my favorite verses.

Psalm 139: 13-14 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

And Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

You see God created her perfectly. Unique. With His purposes in mind. And she can choose to let the people around her influence for good, or for harm, who she will become. She can be consumed by the opinions of others, their priorities, strengths, opportunities, advantages or she can focus in on her Creator. And praise Him for the work He did in creating her, and the work He has laid out before her.

And then I donned on me. I’m still like a Jr. Higher, sometimes consumed with the opinions of others. Subject to their influence in my life.  Although a wife and mother, there are days I am struggling to find my purpose. What am I good at? What difference can I make? Am I doing enough? What am I doing wrong? Will all of my children need therapy because of my mistakes?

Sometimes it’s the big things. Often it’s in the little. Like the lame lunches of pb and j I pack in sandwich bags while others pack cucumber salad for their children in earth friendly containers. Or the fact that there are cracker crumbs on my couch because, frankly I don’t always make my children sit down to eat or snack. Or the school orientation meeting I missed last night for one child because it was the only night we’d all be home together this week.

And I second guess my decisions. I look around and see what you are doing better than me. How you are more creative. Gifted. Funny. Sensitive. In shape. You are serving in ways I’m not. Giving your time to people I can’t. Shaping the next generation in ways I desire.

So last night’s conversation was as much for me as my daughter. A reminder that there is always a little Jr. High in most of us. 

And so this morning as I read God’s Word I clung to the verses I had shared last night and to       2 Corinthians 12:9 “’My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

I’m refocusing in on Christ. I’m acknowledging my weaknesses and just letting them be about God getting glory. I’m choosing to trust that when God made me, yes ME, He said it was wonderful. And He said the same about YOU. And I'm praising God He is not finished with us yet.

And so I’ll keep rocking my curls, hoping to bring the 80’s back. I’ll remember that, just like my daughter, I can be controlled by the thoughts and opinions of others or make my life about pleasing God alone. I’m so grateful for this reminder. 

So I’m making today totally tubular.  To the max.