I'll be the mom to say it- I'm glad school started.

We joined the “back to school” club today.

 

I thought about posting the cute pictures of all my children holding chalkboards with their grades listed on them BUT since taking a cute picture like that didn’t even cross my mind this morning, I guess I’ll pass.  It’s not that I love my children less than you, it’s just that I don’t ever have these cute ideas. I did snap a picture, with my phone, and as a bonus I think 4 of my 5 children were looking at the camera. I’ll take what I can get. And yes, I let my preschooler wear her shoes on the wrong feet.  We are teaching independence.  And she honestly can’t feel the difference.

When we arrived at school my 7^th grader was off to her locker as soon as I shut off the car.  I know her “I love you” and kiss to her mother were implied and I’m looking forwarding to seeing how my Jr. Higher did today.  Oh boy.  

The rest of us were loaded up with all the school gear and walked to the classrooms of my 3^rd and 5^th graders.  As we reminisced with old faces, I can’t even begin to tell you how many people told me how quickly summer went by.  And while I can’t believe school is starting already- I can’t agree completely with how quickly the summer went by.

It. Was. Long.

Don’t get me wrong, most days it was wonderful. But with 5 children ranging the ages of 1-12, “quickly” isn’t typically the word that I was use to describe summer. Creative. Interesting. Busy. Chaotic. Fun. Stressful. Fulfilling.

I think the beauty of having a 12 yr old and a 1 yr old is seeing the duality of “time flies” in motion. You see because the 7 hrs my children are at school and I am at home with my little guy playing Legos or cars, well some days that doesn’t go very fast. But to look at my 12 yr old, or 10 yr old, or even my 8 and 4 yr olds- it truly does seem like it was just yesterday THEY were the 1 yr old filling their day with mom.

And so today I am reminded to be present, in the present.  Time can seem to stand still or to move so quickly it takes our breath away.  And some days I feel like both are happening almost simultaneously.

So before I get ahead of myself, scheduling the week, figuring out homework routines and sports practice schedules, I am just going to pause. And be thankful. To be present. And fully aware.

I am blessed beyond measure. I am wild about being a mom. 

And I have no problem saying this- I’m glad school started.  

Summer Chaos

I am by nature a “doer.” If you look at the unending summer chaos in my home that might surprise you.  But I am a “doer.” I do stuff.  And honestly, I like it.  While I may not be productive I awkwardly thrive on productivity.

This may answer the question why it’s hard to sit down, or slow down, or stop moving.  Much of my day is spent following small and not-so-small people around my home picking up, wiping off, or putting away things.  I never get ahead but I’m never too far behind. 

Except for Tuesday when I left to go ice skating with my 8 year old. Which, by the way, was the BEST TIME EVER! If you want to go and get your groove on and see if you still have the roller skating moves you had when you yourself were in 3rd grade, then listen up.  Take my 8 year old with you to the ice skating or roller skating rink.  Trust me. She is old enough to not need too much assistance, young enough to think you are way cool, and self-confident (or maybe ignorant) enough to let you dance yourself across the rink with reckless abandon sailing past the other children. Bliss.

But I digress; Tuesday when I came home I found the place over run by snack wrappers, small toys, Pet Shops, American Girl items, Hot Wheels and enough miscellaneous items to fill a grocery bag. (Oh you know that’s what I did, filled the bag with items left out that were apparently “not mine.”) Tuesday was not my shining moment.  I felt like a 9 month pregnant woman nesting her last moments away before her new arrival.  Except for there was no new arrival and I was laboring with 5 fully developed children.  

You see being a doer has often lead me to being a “should-er” too.  Since I’m at home I “should” be able to keep this place picked up. I “should” be helping my kids education in the summer with flashcards and cool ipad apps to keep them up to date on their schooling.  I “should” get great quality time with each child since we have so much quantity time.  I “should” start a hobby for myself.  I “should” be scrap booking the pictures from our summer adventures.  Which implies that I "should' be taking pictures of our summer adventures. I “should” .... The list tends to snow ball when I let it.

Until now.  

I’m choosing to just embrace the chaos.  The spinning out of control summer.  The humidity that is making me want to hurt something (I thought AZ was a dry heat).  The markers with no lids, an ipod being used without permission, the beds not made and the teeth not being brushed. Seriously! "We have done this twice a day since you had teeth- why has this become optional this summer?!"  I will not cringe with the “shoulds” and simply go with what is. I will parent and correct but not make perfection my end goal.

And that goes for you.  Please know I have no expectation for you. Or your children. So please don’t make them for me.  If you invite my child to play- no need to excuse your mess.  I have some too.  If I invite your family to dinner and there is still laundry on the couch.  I’m trying.  We’re like family you and me.  We can just enjoy our time together (and fold the laundry).

So for now, please don’t “should’ on me and I won’t “should” on you. 

It’s summer.  No need to stress.  The kids, at least some of them, will be back to school in no time (enter silent cheer) and we’ll be slightly lost without them. There really are bigger things to worry about than the Cheeze-It crumbs on the couch and the empty Popsicle box that got left in freezer.

And take my advice. Go get some skates on and do your groove thing.  You still got it, Mama!

I’m not sure how to answer that question.

I’m not sure how to answer that question.  The one that I get so often from others.  What’s the question? Here it is- “Do you need help?”

Now, let’s go ahead and pause for a second.  The very fact that you are asking me that question probably implies that there is something about what I am doing that is indicating that I NEED HELP.  However, asking the question implies in some way I am not capable of doing what I am doing.  Which is probably true. But somehow difficult to admit.

Let me give you an example.  Take this past week, my husband was virtually out of town .  My days were filled with driving my summer infused children to random events and play dates in the blistering heat and enjoying the literal 24hr days with all five children.  Again, let’s pause to embrace all the joy and pleasure that I have experienced in the past week.  Take it all in. You with me?

Now, it’s Saturday afternoon and my children and I are loading up the car with food and swimming gear for 6 people.  We are off to attend a going away barbeque for family friends.  Upon arrival we unload the car, children, food, swimming gear, etc and walk into the backyard.  In addition, upon request of the host, we have brought our 6 foot pop-up canopy.  You know the kind you use for soccer games and swim meets? The kind that fits nicely in that bag with the wheels so you can roll the elephant weighing contraption.  Oh wait, if you get it on sale like I did, you too can have one like mine.  NO WHEELS.  

Let’s fast forward to the end of the party.  I’ll leave out the part of trying to feed the smaller children while at a pool party (think plates blowing in the pool, eating soggy chips, etc.) I will also not mention the fact that I was the ONLY person over 12 years old in the pool.  Have you ever tried to keep a 3 and 1 yr old out of the pool at a backyard pool party in Phoenix in June?  It’s not worth it. And it won’t take you long to imagine the engaging and meaningful adult conversations that took place in my life during  the two hours we were there. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed the pool with my children and noticed the longing look of other mothers who no longer needed to be in the glistening cool water with their children.  Bless you for enduring the heat on the sidelines.

But, let’s not talk about that.  Let’s fast forward to the end, when it’s time to pack up.  You know that moment when it’s time to  get everyone moving in the same direction at the same time because it’s time to go.  Now.  I had my 1yr old entertained with a ball on the grass while my 12 yr old and I try and tear down the canopy (which is nearly a foot taller than we are and weighs almost the same amount) and pack up all the stuff.  I’m keeping a smile on my face as I watch all the other “big” people enjoy “big” people conversations and “big girl” outfits (need I remind you I’m in my bathing suit). 

Then, comes the dreaded question from well meaning friends, “Do you need help?” And in that moment I am startled and overwhelmed and quite honestly surprised that this whole endeavor (from the beginning until this exact moment) has not caused you to rush over and give me a hand because I clearly feel in over my head. 

 

“Do I need help?” Are you kidding, yes! But if answering that means somehow admitting that I am not capable of handling my full time job of taking care of my children, then I’m not sure how to answer.  And if saying yes, plays that recording over in my mind again that I am failing at the job that is most important to me.  Then this stubborn girl is gonna say “no.”

But if you ask me something specific- now I’m your “yes” girl.  Can you grab the bowl of grapes my daughter is about to spill- “yes.”  Help me get shoes on my son- “yes.”  Carry my bag of wet towel so I can hold my daughter’s hand across the street to the car- “yes.”

I am getting better at asking for help.  I asked a friend to help me get the canopy from the car and he helped me set it up.  And I tell you what, after I had gotten it down, he came over and just asked if he could load it back to the car. Yes sir, thank you very much.

To all those asking if we need help.  Let your question imply the answer. Yes. Offer a way to help and I’ll probably take you up on it.  I don’t need you to add to my insecurity by telling me my daughter’s shoe lace is untied or that my son has shoved too many grapes in his mouth.  Just help me. Ask permission and go for it. Trust me, I need help.  So maybe your question can be more like a fill in the blank.  Instead of asking if I need help, ask me “Can I help you ____________?” and then get ready to rock and roll.

And as for me.  I’ll be faster at saying yes.  And realizing that it’s okay to say (out loud) that I need help.  See, I just said it.  I need help. 

It's summer at my house!

It’s summer! 

Not officially if you go by the dates on the calendar, but the moment you step a foot in my home you will understand what I mean.  School is out and all the children are home.  ALL of them.  And if by a chance you didn’t see them as you walked in the door, you would realize this home is occupied as you trip over objects in the hallway and hear the sounds of many voices.

If I’m being honest there were moments in early May and even as far back as April that made me start to panic about today.  About summer.  

How to occupy the time?

To endure the heat?

To make the most of the time “off”?

 To keep the children from wanting to hurt eachother?

To keep me from wanting to take a vacation- without them?

I was dreading it back then.   Don’t get me wrong, I was excited about not packing lunches (and all the mothers around the world said “Amen”), no more trips to the school, signing papers, checking grades online.  No more spelling words and flashcards- unless you are the overachieving type that keeps those going in the summer. No more intense conversations with school fried brains about focusing, or finishing work, or doing our best just because.  Those are done for the next 12 weeks and I am truly grateful.

I was dreading the “filling” the time.  

That is until God confronted my attitude.  A gentle whack upside my head reminded me- IT’S SUMMER!!!

My chance to make memories, teach a skill, develop character, have fun and love all over my kiddos.  It won’t happen for me the same way you do it.  You’re kids are different than mine.  You have different resources and opportunities.  

But your choice is the same as mine today.  Choose to be grateful and thankful for another summer.  Or to start the countdown til school starts again.

So “let it go” and have some fun.  Pull off the couch cushions and make a fort.  Get out the glue gun and dusty craft supplies and have some fun.  Shoot the darts with reckless abandon –ladies, let’s show them how it’s done.  If you want to get all crazy, pull out your tent and enjoy the backyard.  Eat breakfast for dinner, and dinner for breakfast.  Turn off the phone, shut down Instagram, say no to Twitter.  Be in the moment.  Create a moment.

IT’S SUMMER at my house and I couldn’t be more excited (except for the half of me that is still freaking out.) But I’m choosing to thrive and not just survive this summer.  I know our days won’t always look pretty and more times than I’d like, I’ll start counting the days.  But that’s alright because I keep coming back to this fantastic reality.  It’s summertime now.  It’s time to go play!

Super Cape

It’s strange that no matter how many times I take my Super Cape off, next time I turn around, I find myself wearing it again. Mind you, it’s not really a cape that anyone else can see. Never the less, it’s real. Not only that, it’s very heavy. And though I often don’t realize I’ve put it on, the weight of it becomes so crushing at times that it’s nearly impossible to keep going.

 Now if you know me, you might get a chuckle out of the thought that I “think” I am Super Mom. Or Super Wife. Or Super Friend, Super Daughter, or Super anything. I know right now you’re thinking about the goldfish and Kleenexes decorating my car. Or maybe you’ve seen the endless pile of mismatched socks and the shirt that belongs to “no one” that came out of the laundry last week and still hasn’t found a home. Maybe it’s the fact that my floors are dirty, still, again or that last night’s dinner has left remnants on the table. You may chuckle because you know that despite my best efforts my children still leave towels and shoes around the house and nearly 9 months AFTER we started making our beds in the morning before school, it still seems like an optional task.

If you didn’t know me before, then you’re welcome for giving you a little glimpse into my world. I am a wife, a mother to 5 precious children, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a ministry leader and the list goes on. And for some reason I keep putting on that darn Super Cape and trying to do it all. The worst part about my Cape, no else sees it. You know what that means. No one else appreciates the efforts I make to make sure it stays on securely, repairing it’s tears and gently removing it when I slam it in the door.

You see the funny thing about my Cape is that when I’m wearing it, usually the only thing it reminds me of is how I’m not measuring up. My fears and failures, my insecurities and inadequacies become magnified. Instead of being thankful for my roles and responsibilities, I am overly aware of my shortcomings and weaknesses. Instead of being confident in my abilities and boundaries I become doubtful of my offerings and availability.

Because it’s not a fun place to be, I’m hoping you can’t relate. But just in case you do, hang in there. I’ve got some good news for you. And me. But first let’s start with the obvious. You see, when I am concerned about being all things to all people, I end up critical of myself for only being some things to some people. I know that. You know that. But the way my emotions have been dictating my attitude this week, I’m pretty sure I’m having a hard time believing it.

You see this week, I have intended to be grateful. I have tried to be content. I’m failing. Nearly every conversation and every interaction has left me wondering what else I could possibly fall short on. And then the list gets longer. Don’t get me wrong, you’d think I was doing fine- it’s just that inside I’m falling apart.

Deep down, I’m wishing you could see my Cape the way I see it. The times I hold my tongue so that I can be Super Wife, the times I’ve said “yes” and the times I’ve said “no” so that our children have balance. The texts, cards, Scripture verses and meals I’ve provided to friends to let them know I care and I am walking this journey of life with them. The prayers I’ve prayed for my sister and her unborn baby, and my parents, my newly widowed father-in-law and fellow ministry partners. I’ve let my focus get off track and now the weight of my Cape is unbearable. So, today I’m taking it off. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see it but it wasn’t that great anyway.

Today I’m taking my thoughts captive and surrendering them to Christ. Today I am thinking about those things that are true and lovely (and yes, they have to be both) and admirable and trustworthy. Today I am declaring that my approval comes from the way my Father sees me, and nothing else.

Now here is the good news. And I’m definitely not wanting to brag, but I don’t know if you realize this: I am chosen. I am redeemed. I am forgiven. I am enough. I am complete in Christ. I am sealed with the Holy Spirit. I am set apart for a purpose.

And so are you.

Galatians 1:10 says, “For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I still striving to please men?”

I’m glad you didn’t ask me that yesterday because I’m pretty sure I would not have wanted to answer. But today, now that’s a new story. Today I am striving to please the Lord. And the cool thing about that is that Jesus already did the work. Did someone say, “halleluiah!”?

I know I’ll fall short today. Like forgetting an essential ingredient for dinner or sending an empty envelope to school that was supposed to have money in it for a field trip. But that’s okay. Because today I’ve changed my focus. I’m looking at Christ. In Him there is full approval. In Him I am complete.

And I am learning, when my focus is on Christ, there is joy in my life.

So today if my steps seem a little lighter, and I’m throwing caution to the wind- you’ll know why. I took my Cape off today, and I didn’t even cry.